Adult film star Nikki Hearts gets her pals to tell us about their wildest experiences with weed in the sheets.

Adult film star Nikki Hearts gets her pals to tell us about their wildest experiences with weed in the sheets.<br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhPjVv1VV6zaAvbHX6v-s-iuXurIdxtfyX1G_O5qCtbm_oQvdJkPws6FgdMmAk10IaNCMIpW_9HMqK3skj0iSESv6Qy-VG_2OIAXgO8JRboTf3MtfE6SVfcOPK8NzjE7X61oL4EPF8w9v/s1600/Sexy-Boy-Main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="646" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXhPjVv1VV6zaAvbHX6v-s-iuXurIdxtfyX1G_O5qCtbm_oQvdJkPws6FgdMmAk10IaNCMIpW_9HMqK3skj0iSESv6Qy-VG_2OIAXgO8JRboTf3MtfE6SVfcOPK8NzjE7X61oL4EPF8w9v/s320/Sexy-Boy-Main.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> by MERRY JANE Staff<br /> <br /> When combined properly, sex and weed can create explosive experiences that you will never forget. Sometimes, however, things go awry — bongs break, someone falls asleep during sex, or, you know, you drink a whole bottle of weed lube — and you end up with as the main character in your own tragicomic tale. What doesn’t kill you gives you a great story to share with the world on MERRY JANE, right?<br /> <br /> As we continue to celebrate Sex Week and the remarkable relationship between cannabis and sensual pleasure, our host and adult film star Nikki Hearts sits down with a variety of special guests, including adult film star Janice Griffith, poet Mira Gonzalez, and comic Crissy Milazzo, who’ve had memorable and not-so-memorable times getting busy with THC. Join us as Nikki and her friends open up about their crazy experiences getting high, getting weird, and getting off.<br /> <br />

Adult film star Nikki Hearts gets her pals to tell us about their wildest experiences with weed in the sheets.

Adult film star Nikki Hearts gets her pals to tell us about their wildest experiences with weed in the sheets. by MERRY JANE Staff Whe...

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Gender, Sex, and Expat Culture in the Philippines

<p dir="ltr">Culture Times;</p> <p dir="ltr">“Welcome to the Philippines, Jake, you ready for the beautiful girls?”<br> These were among the first words out of my friend’s mouth when he picked me up at the airport in Dumaguete in the southern Philippines. I laughed at his good-hearted welcome. As I would soon come to realize, however this simple sentence would come to epitomize a significant portion of my experience interacting with the expat community in the Philippines. I must, of course, preface this particular post with a word of apology and caution to the reader. I in no way intend this piece to place blame or incrimination upon any individuals nor make any personal commentary upon the amazing people I had the pleasure to meet this last week. I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Philippines and am eternally grateful for the hospitality and kindness of my friends there. What follows is, however, meant as a commentary based on my observations of the norms and attitudes that dominate not only the Philippines, but, to some extent, expat communities the world over.<br> One of the first thing one observes in a community such as the expats in the Philippines, is the norm of older white men having much younger local women as girlfriends and wives. This is, I must add, definitely not exclusive to the Philippines, and was very present in Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, and even some places in Latin America. There are, interestingly, many facets to this dynamic. The most obvious is the money. Generally speaking, older, western men who come to live in places like the Philippines have sufficient means to support themselves, and often their girlfriends and families as well, with little to no effort. In speaking with several of the women in our group (all of whom were Philippine) many expressed a very blunt desire to date and marry a man who could take care of them financially so they wouldn’t have to work. To me – it makes total sense. Not my kind of thing, but I absolutely understand that perspective. Particularly coming from many of the more rural communities in the Philippines, many locals are raised in relative poverty. The prospect of having someone who can care for them completely and make it so they never really have to worry about money, or even better be able to provide for their family as well seems very attractive. Given the relative wealth of western nations, the men who arrive in the Philippines therefore easily fill this role.<br> The next facet to this is also relatively obvious, but something I hadn’t really realized until I arrived here. Many cultures in SE Asia revere white skin. Not only in women, but men as well. If you see advertisements in the Thai BTS stations, they display skin whitening cream for men and for women. In Manila, you’ll see ads for skin whitening medications also for men and women. The culture genuinely finds whiter skin more attractive. We were given a great explanation of this actually during our trip on the Mekong. Our guide asked why we weren’t using more sun protection, and we all replied that in western culture, we find tanned skin attractive. Our poor guide was actually appalled. She told us that having dark skin was the sign of being a farmer, and therefore poor. In the same way that Medieval Europe revered the idea of being fat and pale for its portrayal of wealth, so do SE Asian cultures most often revere light skin as a sign of a good, wealthy life. Naturally, western people who come to these nations have more pale skin than their local counterparts. In many respects, this may play a role in locals’ attraction to their western counterparts. Likewise, many of the men who come to the Philippines (I say men simply because I have not interacted with any western women here so cannot speak to the dynamic there) find the tan and darker skin attractive in much the same way western society reveres tanned skin overall (without regard to race – my apologies if that statement came across otherwise). Therefore, the two cultures fit very well together in their mutual attraction to at least one of the physical attributes of the other.<br> Third, an very interesting to me, is the absence of age norms. In the States, a couple that is much over 10 years apart in age will, up to a certain point, really start turning heads. Particularly when you have a very young woman and very old man, the standard stereotype would certainly cause heads to turn. Now, I personally think that someone is perfectly capable of finding genuine love with someone significantly older or younger than themselves, and also happen to find the “gold-digger” stereotype incredibly sexist, but that’s not the focus of my argument here. The point is that the kind of relationships I observed in the Philippines would be utterly unacceptable in western society (again – I don’t necessarily agree that this should be the case, I’m simply stating what I’ve observed to be a cultural norm in the west). However, nobody here even batts an eye at such a relationship. While I may feel a little strange about it given my upbringing, the culture here appears to perfectly accept this kind of cross-generational relationship. In fact, talking with my friend, he admitted that he would feel very nervous bringing his girlfriend (who is about half his age) to the US for the kind of reaction it would draw, yet he has no concern visiting other parts of SE Asia given the common acceptance it receives.<br> So this is the generalization for most of SE Asia – many people, coming from poorer backgrounds in particular, are looking for a partner who can care for them financially. The social standards in the region revere light skin, just as westerners revere tan skin. Finally, the culture has no significant issue with a cross-generational relationship.<br> Now add a new factor: machoism. Unlike elsewhere in SE Asia, the Philippines were, for about 300 years, completely under Spanish rule. The relics of this colonial rule are everywhere, from the massive, crumbling catholic cathedrals throughout the islands, to the local language (which has more than a few directly adopted words from Spanish from guapo – handsome – to cervesa – beer.) Catholicism is also the dominant religion in the nation, with over 90% of locals identifying as Catholic, and the Catholic church plays a huge role in modern society and politics. Most interestingly however, are the cultural attributes of Spanish society that persist today. In particular, I’m talking about the culture of machoism. Machoism essentially, as I am using it here, refers to a whole litany of social constructs that idealize the strong, physically powerful, proud man. Along with this often comes the expectation that men be the provider for the family, but also be the suave gentleman who basically gets his way (an interesting contrast if you think about it). So now apply that to the expats. Westerners are almost universally much larger than their Philippine counterparts – much larger. With their money, they tend to be able to easily provide for their families or girlfriends, and many come here with a very relaxed social attitude and have enough money and connections that things would generally appear to always go their way. In other words, they fit the bill pretty perfectly.<br> Now, from my own observation in Peru, Latin culture has found a counterbalance to machoism in the form of the very strong female gender role. The stereotype of the strong, stubborn Latin woman exists for a reason. Thus there is a strong female role that is acceptable in Latin culture where the macho male gender role finds its origin which counterbalances that macho role.<br> However, if you look at SE Asian society, the idea of a strong female character is almost completely rejected. While the macho male culture arrived in the Philippines, the strong counterpart role did not. The social expectation is that the woman is quite, attractive, obedient, and the caretaker: waiting on the needs of the man. This was clearly demonstrated time and time again throughout my experience there. However, the most poignant example had to be when I observed an elderly gentleman and his girlfriend near the house we were staying in. His girlfriend, a young Philippine girl of 30 or so, came out of their house with a beer, which she promptly handed him. Without another word, she proceeded to crouch beside him and begin trimming his fingernails and toenails while he proceeded to chat with his neighbors. While this kind of display may raise serous question in the States or elsewhere, it was seen as perfectly normal in the Philippines. I was fascinated.<br> So to recap: the modern Philippine culture has its roots in several areas. The original influence of its SE Asian neighbors is evident in the cuisine (imitation Thai dishes are plentiful and quite tasty), the idolization of lighter skin and pale complexions, the overall desire to “save face” and maintain pleasant relations between people in all situations, and the standard gender role of women being humble, quiet, and obedient. Its next influence, that from the Spanish occupation, is evident in its language, the exceptional strength of the Catholic church, and the presence of the macho male gender role.<br> Enter the American expat. Many folks who come to the Philippines are coming there to retire: to escape the pressures of western life (and prices) and enjoy a true island paradise. What these, generally not badly-off, individuals find is a society that places them on a high pedestal. Their white skin wins them favor, their size and wealth enables them to fill the macho role well, and the overall pleasant disposition of most locals may well make any former New Yorker feel like they’ve landed at the helm of King Arthur’s court. For some, it may be the first time in their lives that they are referred to as sir on a regular basis. The norm of small flattery in casual conversation (a common trait in many SE Asian cultures it appears – all a part of that “saving face” and building positive relations norm) may be taken as flirtation or at the very least get to the heads of folks accustom to the insult culture of the west. Thus, upon entering the Philippine culture, many westerners, particularly men, may easily develop a sense of social entitlement. While this can be seen in the way some folks demand particular western comforts even in this small island nation, it is, in my opinion, most evident in the general attitude towards and treatment of women, gender, and sex.<br> Did I at any time observe anything that I would have considered directly abusive? No. Then again, I tend to be pretty tolerant of things myself, and fully recognize that some of the comments and conversations held during my time in the Philippines may be considered offensive and uncomfortable. While the first part of this post is my attempt ant understanding how the various influences on Philippine culture along with the relative wealth and attitude of entitlement held by many expats cultivates this kind of dynamic, I want to now describe three key outcomes of this dynamic that I found powerfully interesting, slightly disturbing, and deserving of further discussion.<br> First is, as we’ve been discussing, the treatment of women. While I wouldn’t say that any one person is treating women poorly, I would argue that the cultural attitudes and expectations towards women in the Philippine culture along with the dominant expat dynamic is heavily oppressive. Local women who fit into the gender roles discussed above may be “rewarded” with a wealthy husband and relatively easy life. Another symbol of the attitude of many expats was a comment a friend of mine made at one point, that “in general, most westerners are going to treat the women here better than any local man would.” (paraphrased). Sadly, I cannot say that he’s wrong, nor do I have any information to say he is correct. But the comment does highlight the fact that many western folks think of themselves as “saving” the locals from themselves – a highly problematic social attitude in and of itself. However, because of the attitude of entitlement and culture of female obedience, women who do not fit the “good housewife” archetype would be quickly disregarded by much of the expat community. While one may argue that this does not exclude women from being strong and independent, the social expectations placed upon women and the overall reverence towards western people now so deeply ingrained in the local culture place heavy social pressures upon women and girls to fall in line with this obedient gender role. When one of the expats makes the comment like “oh, the Philippine girls will be all over you if you’re a white guy,” he is simply repeating and reinforcing this social pressure that pushes women to fit the obedient housewife role in order to gain the “benefits” of partnership with a westerner. No, this dynamic is not exclusive to the expat-local dynamic and is very present in the local culture. It has, however, been taken up by many expats who the approach it with an attitude of treating the women they interact with far better than the locals, when in fact they are perpetuating the same oppressive gender norms, and perhaps even strengthening them.<br> Second: sex. The attitude of entitlement among the expat community has an intriguing and somewhat nasty side effect. As a visitor to this culture, I was immediately welcomed into the expat community, which was a wonderful and very pleasant thing. However, with the warm welcome, many of the attitudes shared among the expats were immediately presumed to be my own. This is, admittedly, a fairly common social norm – the expectation that members of a group share common attitudes. Because the most salient identity of our little group in Dauin was our status as western foreigners in the Philippines, the group was not entirely wrong to presume that the attitudes of most expats applied to everyone in that group, including myself. This, however, includes the attitude that I, for lack of a better term, refer to as the exploitation norm. Many of the people I interacted with grew up in a very different time from today, and also are party to the fascinating and occasionally disturbing expat culture here in the Philippines. Their conversations with me would therefore often turn to women, each adding their own encouragements for me to “go out and get a few Philippine girls.” While I fully recognize that this was all meant in jest and good humor, their unfortunate persistence and only partially-joking attitude did raise some interesting thoughts. First, I stick to a no local relationships policy while traveling. Friendships, sure, but relationships no: it maintains a more open relation with any community I enter, prevents any potential awkward or harmful situations, and enables more professional interactions all around. Many of the people I have traveled with also seem to have a similar attitude – particularly if they’re of my same age. I found it intriguing, therefore, that upon arriving in the Philippines, it was instantly assumed that part of my reason for being there (or part of a “complete Philippine experience) was for sex. Was I ever made uncomfortable by this attitude, not entirely, but it was oddly pervasive. The next thought that follows is that this application of such attitudes on visitors and other westerners in the Philippines is a clear form of cultural perpetuation. The current dominant group of expats, with the attitudes and culture they maintain, is unconsciously perpetuating that culture by welcoming visitors and newcomers so readily into the bizarre norms it includes. It seems, therefore, that if ever there were an opportunity to begin changing the conversation around sex, gender, and ex-pat cultures, it comes at this interaction between the existing expat community and those of us who are now entering that group. I only wish I had had my thoughts better collected while still with my friends to begin that kind of conversation.<br> Finally – gender. One of the other very noticeable attributes of Philippine society is gender identity. There are effectively three (we’ll touch on that in a bit). You are either a man, a woman, or a “Bayute.” What is a bayute? you ask. A bayute is generally anyone who does not identify as a straight, cis-gender male or straight, cis-gender female (meaning they are heterosexual and identify as the same gender as their physiology). In talking with folks in the Philippines, the universal statement is that bayutes are very well accepted and integrated in local society. They aren’t wrong. Going to a restaurant on my first day there, we were served by a very beautiful transgender woman (physiological male who identifies as a woman) whom the whole group appeared to be rather good friends with. However (there’s always a however here)… Two issues here. First: the use of the term bayute to refer to all non straight cis people is, in my opinion, highly inappropriate. Simply put, a homosexual woman who identifies as a woman is a very different person than someone who is a heterosexual male who identifies as a female. By grouping all of these gender and sexual identities together, the society has created a universal “other” which becomes very clear in common conversation. Many of the transgender or homosexual folks we met or interacted with were referred to as “the bayute.” You would never refer to a heterosexual cis-gender man as “the straight” but Philippine society finds it acceptable to refer to all other identifies by a single other identity – the bayute. Second, while they may be very welcome or socially accepted in society at large, many members of the Philippine “bayute” community are…</p> <p dir="ltr"> performers. Drag shows (such as the one I was taken to the other night) are common place. An expectation that these individuals are funny, or outgoing, or are generally there for other peoples’ enjoyment was, to me, very apparent. This only serves to further “other” all non straight cis-gender folks, creating a subtle but strangely powerful form of social oppression not dissimilar from the pressures placed upon women to conform to the domestic gender role.<br> I must make a full admission at this point. I am no expert, nor even all that well versed in the appropriate way to discuss these kinds of issues. Over the last two years or so, I have been fortunate enough to learn a great deal from several very dear friends of mine, and become increasingly aware of the need for greater discussion and consideration around topics of gender, gender roles, identity etc. This is my first attempt to comment on any of my observations of such dynamics, and I am almost certain I have made substantial mistakes in my language, my approach, and my argumentation. For the sake of starting a greater conversation, I do welcome any considerations and thoughtful responses to this discussion. I also certainly welcome corrections to the above statements. This comes exclusively from my own experiences, and not from any extensive research. It is thus meant as an interpretive opinion piece, and by no means a thorough analysis of Philippine or expat society at large. I will also make a full apology to anyone I may have offended in this discussion. I also must apologize for any grammatical errors or general mistakes as I have been writing this on little to no sleep from the airport in Manila and Guam en-route to the Marshall Islands. I post this piece with no malicious intent and with a full desire to bring to light some of the issues that I believe deserve thorough consideration and conversation in the future. Thank you for your respect of my observations and opinions, and I look forward to any thoughtful, considerate responses and discussion.</p> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs1dYoFUxKjehWYx31PFbT4tuCWn3WAZqVT9kF5yEN6cvF3vmlWkq8dqjYL_tl1M5YIxRuBrMjUBJ8PKOq8SkkvRIN5qQPfcnbt2si-DAjzoA_y8fJMMNRxm0eosjzCr9aqgM2BuR58ZnQ/s1600/images+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs1dYoFUxKjehWYx31PFbT4tuCWn3WAZqVT9kF5yEN6cvF3vmlWkq8dqjYL_tl1M5YIxRuBrMjUBJ8PKOq8SkkvRIN5qQPfcnbt2si-DAjzoA_y8fJMMNRxm0eosjzCr9aqgM2BuR58ZnQ/s640/images+%25282%2529.jpg"> </a> </div>

Gender, Sex, and Expat Culture in the Philippines

Culture Times; “Welcome to the Philippines, Jake, you ready for the beautiful girls?” These were among the first words out of my friend’s ...

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